Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
