P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Randomize
