Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Randomize
