The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
