I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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