I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
