careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
that's an acceptable place to lick
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
