I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
