I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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