How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
