if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
