So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
