do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
