ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
