well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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