I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I accidentally burped into my bong.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
