I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
