Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
