im six kinds of drunk right now
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
