just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
