turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
