Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize