I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
