Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
