I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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