My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
So many bounce houses so little time
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
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