I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Can you bring me the toilet please
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
