well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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