Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
