i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I could fuck to npr.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
