I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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