im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
