I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
