3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
