id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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