I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
