Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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