Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
