He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
