we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Randomize
