We won't sleep together?
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
