Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
