Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
We just shotgunned beers for America
I want her autograph on my taint
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
