that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
