he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
