So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize
