i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
