we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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