I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
