y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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