i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
