I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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