you would pick up someone in the library
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Is Oprah even human
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize