I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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