hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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