Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
