Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I'm both gender and math confused
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
