your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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