hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
