We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
