I accidentally had phone sex last night
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
