I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
