So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I'm always down for nudity.
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