i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
