woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
there is glitter all over my balls
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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