Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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